but wait… there’s more! order now and you will also receive….

Okay, so I finally have a legitimate reason to not breathe. And it’s not just a litterbox that should have been emptied on Tuesday. It’s actual evidence from expensive medical tests that show my insides are a bit botched.

Preliminary results indicate that the right side of my heart is enlarged (interesting, since I’ve always leaned a bit toward the bleeding-heart left) and the bottom bits of both lungs have collapsed. It could be fibrosis. It could be heart failure. It could be sleep apnea leading to heart failure. It could be gremlins in the dead of night.

But it IS why I haven’t been able to grab a decent breath since March. Or a satisfying yawn.

I’m not bothered by the diagnosis in the least. The symptoms were there whether they had a name or not – breathlessness that would embarrass a blonde beauty queen, and wracking coughs that any two-pack-a-day smoker would be proud of. Once there is a name there can be a plan.

But first, the echocardiogram needs to be fully read, and there’s another sleep study in my future to see if a CPAP machine would help. Because nothing says “restful sleep” like strapping a Darth Vader helmet to your face and cuddling up to a lawn mower engine.

This has been a hell of a year for someone who has always been healthy as a horse (and roughly the size of a pony). I now have to check pretty much “all of the above” on the medical history forms. And with the drugs I’m already taking, I fall into that “immuno-suppressed” category that’s not even supposed to eat raw cookie dough. Really? Really?!? Who wants to be in that group? (Though “death by Tollhouse sushi” would make an awesome epitaph.)

So…onward. Looking forward to another regime of tasty pharmaceuticals and their delicious buffet of unintended side effects. Bon appétit!

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2 thoughts on “but wait… there’s more! order now and you will also receive….

  1. Seems to me you are due for a stellar winter season. That would be fair, considering your delving into the Trials of Penelope or whatever you’re currently subscribed to. I recommend a few things: Cancel that subscription. Finish the novel. Paint the painting. Compose the sonata. Love the man. Travel to the British Virgin Islands over Christmas and float in Cane Garden Bay. Try all the flavors. Learn to say Fuck It with abandon. Until then…enjoy the pharma and feel better fast. Hug hug huggggggggg and squeeze squeeze squeeeeeeeeeeeze! Mmmmwhaaaaa to you. You good deary, you. And more blog more blog we want to hear you more more more!

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